Wednesday, March 30, 2005

What the..?

Life is funny.
Little things like coincidences and ironies just make you step back and picture the possibility of it all. This Saturday, I will be attending a baby shower. It's not my first, nor my tenth and definitely not my last. What makes this one crazier then all the rest I've been to is that the mom-to-be is someone I was slightly intimate with in the past. Its a strange feeling that travels thru me as I imagine another man making love to her, as I imagine her carrying his child. Somebody out there forgot to name this emotion..but lemme tell u, its a weird feeling.

Minutes ago, I opened an email from a friend I havent heard from in a while. She informed me that my ex girlfriend will be having a baby shower sometime in the coming month. Wow. Yet another feeling someone forgot to name. No..i think I got this one on the tip of my tongue. Its called anger. What am I angry about? Ah...many things..the fact that maybe she and I would still be together now if she didnt make the biggest mistake u can make in a relationship; the fact that I havent heard from her in so long, and it was her friend [not her] who called to invite me; the fact that i'm just angry.....plain and simple.

Do I wanna go? Deep down, I'm trying to fight back so many memories,...recollections of how she did me wrong, how I just wanna be that proverbial "bigger person." Put urself in my shoes..weigh the situation..would I be wrong for not returning the call, and completely missing the shower? I dont know..i think I'm planning on having a severe cold that weekend.

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