Wow. How time flies. My last post was almost 5 yrs ago. I don't know what suddenly made me want to write tonight. I don't know why I stopped back then. I can't remember why I started in the first place. I've always expressed myself in some way thru the written word. Sitting here now, I wish I would have saved them all. It would be nice to have them. Now I know why ppl keep journals.
I'm so curious; so nosy; so eager to learn the story of someone else. I've read many blogs over the yrs. I've met a lot of interesting ppl and heard all their stories. One thing I can say is, we've all got stories to tell. Even the most mundane can be entertaining. I wish we'd ALL blog, or just chronicles our lives in some way. I'm slightly jealous of those that never gave up on their writing. Its evident I gave up on mine. Not entirely. More like I gave up on recording it. But there's almost something pretentious in thinking ppl actually care to want to read your story. Fuck it! Let's be pretentious. I'm clearly talking outta my ass. I don't know when my next post will be. I'm notorious for only doing things when I REALLY wanna do it. Who knows how I'll feel tomorrow. I might ignore this blog for another 5 yrs. Better take advantage while I'm in the writing mood.
A lot has happened to me in the last 5 yrs. Of course. It'd be a shame if I were the same person living the same life as 5 yrs ago. I am 27. I'll be 28 in exactly 2 months. I still look towards the future with excitement. I'm not afraid of maturing. I AM afraid of getting old, but that will have to be another entry.
I just realized that I ALWAYS looked towards the future with excitement. Almost as if my present wasn't as satisfactory as I'd like, and that in the tomorrow of my mind, everything would work itself out. Is that stupid of me? Is that being hopeful? Optimistic? I'm not sure.
My present is pretty satisfactory. Sure, there are lots of things I could do without, but WHOSE life is perfect?
Less than a yr ago, I got my own place. I'm a homeowner. I'm quite proud of myself. From my blog entries from 5 yrs ago, you'd see that I was a hard worker. It paid off. I'm now working 2 jobs to make ends meet. My days are hectic and filled with stress. I have dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep that I don't think will ever go away. I'm not complaining. Ok, maybe slightly, but I have to let it out somehow.
I'm still single. In the last 5 yrs, there were a couple of ladies that came in and out of my life. None special enough to make a huge impact. If anything, they've reinforced what I've known all along: you can't really rely on some one else for your happiness. Yeah, that's gonna be another post too, cuz I don't really want to get into that now.
I've become a lot more honest. Not just with myself, cuz I feel I've always been true to myself. I'm being more honest with others. I've never been a liar, or at least too much of a liar, but I'm really speaking my mind. In the past, I'd feel a certain way or think something and never open my mouth. I'd just take everything in and keep moving. I've come to speak my mind and how I feel a little more liberally these days. I think my ability to speak my mind goes hand in hand with my newfound ability to not care what ppl think. I don't know when it happen or how I picked it up, but I'm oblivious to other ppls' thoughts about me. Yes, I still like to make a great impression and I like to please, but when I know I did everything in my power to show you what an awesome guy I am, if you cant accept it, I no longer care. I have to say, not caring is quite liberating. It has allowed me to live my life as happily as I currently am. Its also made me numb to a lot of things, and again, that's another post. Whew! I hope I get to write about all these topics I'm putting on the backburner. I hope I feel the desire to speak on them.
I guess this is it. I feel the motivation to write leaving me the more I type. I guess I'll leave it at that. See you soon. Hopefully.