Wednesday, March 30, 2005

What the..?

Life is funny.
Little things like coincidences and ironies just make you step back and picture the possibility of it all. This Saturday, I will be attending a baby shower. It's not my first, nor my tenth and definitely not my last. What makes this one crazier then all the rest I've been to is that the mom-to-be is someone I was slightly intimate with in the past. Its a strange feeling that travels thru me as I imagine another man making love to her, as I imagine her carrying his child. Somebody out there forgot to name this emotion..but lemme tell u, its a weird feeling.

Minutes ago, I opened an email from a friend I havent heard from in a while. She informed me that my ex girlfriend will be having a baby shower sometime in the coming month. Wow. Yet another feeling someone forgot to name. No..i think I got this one on the tip of my tongue. Its called anger. What am I angry about? Ah...many things..the fact that maybe she and I would still be together now if she didnt make the biggest mistake u can make in a relationship; the fact that I havent heard from her in so long, and it was her friend [not her] who called to invite me; the fact that i'm just angry.....plain and simple.

Do I wanna go? Deep down, I'm trying to fight back so many memories,...recollections of how she did me wrong, how I just wanna be that proverbial "bigger person." Put urself in my shoes..weigh the situation..would I be wrong for not returning the call, and completely missing the shower? I dont know..i think I'm planning on having a severe cold that weekend.

Friday, March 25, 2005

Good Friday? Nope, GREAT Friday.

I'm never the type to make a big deal about myself. It draws too much attention, and even though I'm an attention-whore, I try to stay away from that [forgive me if every other line from me is a contradiction, I'm human]. You ever get a great haircut that you feel proud about [or you lost weight, or u have a cool shirt, etc], and though u dont want to flaunt it, it seems like its the only thing ppl wanna talk to you about? That's how I feel today.

Still, I wanna thank everybody in my life, near by or far away, for collectively making me feel special today.
I love you all, even if i dont tell you. Don't worry, we're not about to start getting sentimental.
Have a drink on me [at least of OJ], it's my birthday!

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Father Time

Today is my father's uncle's birthday. He turns 58. If you see this man, he looks nothing like 58, instead, he looks a lot younger. His attitude isnt that of a 58 yr old man. I can't help but think of ppl that I know that are around that age and are on the other side of the "look your age' spectrum.

I remember being younger, in high school, for example. All the girls my age were dating older guys. It was the thing to do. Inside, I thought "maybe I should try dating an older girl, since all the girls my age are taken." That idea was quickly scratched when seeing some of these ladies. At 14, a 20 yr old girl looked like a woman to me. I felt i was playing out of my league. There was no way i could scoop up a 20 yr old while she def had her eyes set on the older guys. At 18, a 21 yr old STILL seemed like she was too mature for me..not to say that i was immature [and maybe I was], but it didnt seem cool. Now, at the age that I am, and looking around at the girls around me who r my age, if I would have had my balls on tight back at 19, I might have been able to stomp with the big dawgs. Not to say that girls my age are lil girls...but, hey! You ladies arent as "mature" as they advertise.

I'll be a yr older this month on Good Friday [in all my life, Good Friday has always been in April, what is up with that?]. Maybe I should start thinking about getting with a 27 or 28 yr old. Why not? It worked for Ashton. What's he got that I dont [besides model looks and a killer sense of humor?] Wait..i got those too!