Friday, January 21, 2011

This message will self-destruct in...

I went to visit my sister yesterday. She was listening to some old school R&B, and singing as she cooked. It was a little different from all the other times I'd pass by. Either the TV was on, or some random radio station was on as background noise. Before I knocked on the door, I could tell this was a CD she purposely put on to enjoy.

Twenty minutes in, I ask her, "What the fuck is this you're listening to?" Not because It was horrible, but because I wanted to understand what mood she was in. She goes on to explain that it was a CD a friend made her about 2 years ago, but she never listened to until that day. She knew he had a crush on her, but by listening to the CD, she fully understood how deep his feelings were.

She recounted moments when he'd confess his love for her.

"Yo, I love my mother, but I'm IN love with you."

I couldn't help but laugh when she said that. I instantly felt bad for laughing. I've been in his shoes so many times. I knew the pain of wanting someone you couldn't have. I've seen life from that side of the fence. Hearing my sister tell her side of the story just made me laugh. I saw life from her side of the fence as well. Being the object of adoration isn't any easier than adoring someone who doesn't feel the same. The bottom line is, if its not mutual, both parties suffer. [I know. Duh!]

As I left for work, I suddenly remembered the many times I was that fool. The one professing his love for a pretty face. The one writing obscure poems about feelings I could never express. The one daydreaming and imagining parallel universes where he could be with the object of his affection. I suddenly felt so stupid. It became clear as day that they were no doubt laughing their heads off, as my sister was with me, as they remembered little moments; things that were said; secrets that were revealed; gifts that were given.

I suddenly remembered a scene in "Say Anything," where John Cusack's character leaves a voicemail asking Diane Court to "nuke" the card he'd given her. He said it hurt him to know that it was out there. That's what we need. Expiration dates on these "gifts." Let them cease to exist as soon as the "friendship" ends. No need for us to STILL be laughing stocks years later.

1 comment:

megs said...

I know that exact feeling all too well. There needs to be a mind eraser too, so that the words we've spoken or written can't be remembered once it's over.

Related: I adore you. ;)