At least three times this week I was reminded of what a quitter I am. I have to admit, that's one of my biggest flaws. I'm quick to quit. Don't get me wrong, quitting isn't my first instinct. Nonetheless, I'm a quitter. In recognizing that, I feel shame. Still, many times, it was because of quitting that better things became available to me.
A few days ago, a friend calls me and says she needs to hand in a poem for class. The subject: her. The due date: the next day. The time: 1:48 in the morning. I can't work with that kind of schedule! I can't write unless I'm completely in love with what I'm writing. All I'm thinking is how I haven't written a poem in years. How could I possibly be of help? She assures me anything would help. The only thing I have to give her is a link where several old poems are posted. She thanks me and goes to work. I'm left there to look over old poems and relive old emotions.
Another day, some time this week, a friend posts something on my Facebook wall. Its a friend I hadn't seen since 2002, when I dropped out of college, and recently got reacquainted with thru said site. Her post? The title to a story. I was taken aback. How did she know about this? She tells me she was organizing all her old papers and came across a print out with my name on it. I asked her if she was interested in reading more. The story had turned into 10 chapters since we last spoke. Upon emailing her, she replied with kind words which moved me to open Microsoft Word and reread a few pages.
Yesterday, a friend texts me, "I found the song u made and sent me a while ago. I'll email u the song later." Yes, I wanted to be a rapper back in high school. I laugh at the thought. Back then, it was all I wanted. I have my "demo" in my iTunes library, and I cringe with embarrassment as I listen to it. But don't get it twisted, I had skills.
I remember vividly as I chased each dream with the passion only ignited by the idea that you could do anything you wanted. Its what we're told as kids. "You can do anything you put your mind to." "You can become anybody you want to be." That may very well be true, but the cynic inside me thought it was a joke.
Watching a movie today, I think I realized what the adults of my past were trying to say. A child is like a clean slate. Our parents, teachers, after school programs, sports, books, movies, etc...ALL those things are there to show us the possibilities that are available to us. We can do any of those things. Its simply up to us to want to do it. My problem was I wanted to do everything.